1. Dealbreakers

不太能接受的事

Start by listing the things you find hard to compromise on, such as smoking, heavy drinking, or major lifestyle choices like vegetarianism (especially if your partner expects you to change too).

首先列出你很难妥协的事情，比如吸烟、酗酒，或者重要的生活方式选择，比如素食主义（尤其是对方希望你也跟着改变）

It’s important to bring these up early. Otherwise, once you’re committed, you may end up either tolerating it, pushing them to change, or getting stuck in a painful stalemate.

早点说清楚很重要。否则进入正式关系后，你可能只能忍着、要求对方改变，或者双方都陷入进退两难

2. Physical Health

身体健康

Like a pre-commitment health check, it’s worth talking about sexual health before becoming physically intimate, especially to reduce the risk of STIs and HIV.

就像“关系前的体检”一样，在发生更深入的亲密行为前，聊聊性健康很重要，尤其是为了降低性传播感染和HIV风险

You can talk about when you were last tested, what protection you use, and whether either of you has had higher-risk experiences, such as unprotected sex.

可以聊聊你们上次做检查是什么时候，平时会不会用保护措施，以及是否有过较高风险行为，例如无保护性行为

This is also a good time to discuss contraception, including condoms, the pill, or other options.

这也是讨论避孕的好机会，比如避孕套、避孕药或其他方式

3. Living Arrangements

生活安排

Thinking about living together? It’s worth discussing before it happens. Who moves where? Are you moving into one person’s place, or finding a new place together? Will there be housemates? Pets? How will bills be split?

打算同居吗？这件事真的值得提前聊。谁搬去谁家？还是一起搬新地方？要不要室友？要不要养宠物？账单怎么分？

These details can make a big difference to day-to-day harmony.

这些细节会直接影响日常相处的和谐度

A simple sign it might be time to talk is the “toothbrush test”. If you’ve left a toothbrush at each other’s place and it feels natural, the topic may already be relevant.

什么时候聊？可以试试“牙刷测试”。如果你们的牙刷已经自然地出现在彼此家里，而且双方都不觉得别扭，那同居这个话题可能已经值得提上日程

4. Money Matters

经济方面

Talk early about how you each think about money, spending, and bills. You don’t need to match perfectly, but you do need to understand what each other values and what feels fair.

尽量早一点聊聊你们对金钱、消费、账单的看法。你们不需要完全一致，但需要理解彼此的价值观，以及什么对彼此来说是“公平”的

Sometimes, setting basic boundaries now can prevent major arguments later.

有时候，提前把边界说清楚，反而能避免未来很多争吵

5. Plans for the Future

对未来的计划

This isn’t always a must-have conversation straight away. Some people are planners; others are more go-with-the-flow. Still, it helps to understand whether your goals are broadly compatible.

这不一定要一次聊透。有些人很会规划，有些人更随性。但你至少可以了解一下，你们的方向是否大体兼容

For example, if one person may move interstate or overseas for work or study, how would that affect the relationship? This is also a good chance to talk about long-distance relationships.

例如，如果对方未来可能因为工作或学习跨州或出国，那你们的关系会怎么处理？这也是谈谈异地恋看法的机会

You can also explore topics like marriage, children, and other commitments that may enter your lives.

也可以聊聊你们对婚姻、生孩子，以及其他重要承诺的看法

6. Relationship Style

关系形式

Relationship style matters, so it’s worth being clear. Some people prefer monogamy, some prefer open relationships, and others are somewhere in between.

关系形式很重要，所以最好讲清楚。有些人偏好一对一，有些人偏好开放式关系，也有人在中间地带

You don’t have to agree with every style, but you do need to respect that different people make different choices.

你不需要认同所有形式，但需要理解人与人选择不同

For me personally, I lean towards monogamy. Open relationships don’t suit me, but I respect others’ choices.

对我来说，我个人更偏向一对一。开放式关系不太适合我，但我尊重别人的选择

If you cannot genuinely accept something, say it clearly. Don’t force yourself to “try to be okay” with it just because you love them. A relationship can be negotiated, but self-betrayal will eventually cost you.

如果你真的无法接受，就要清楚表达。不要因为“我爱Ta”就勉强自己去配合。关系可以协商，但长期委屈自己，最后一定会有代价

7. You Don’t Have to Cover Everything at Once

不一定一次聊完，循序渐进

There’s no one perfect formula for intimacy. Building a solid foundation is only the first step, and feelings can change over time.

亲密关系没有“一劳永逸”的公式。建立基础只是第一步，而人的感受也会随着时间变化

Think of this checklist as something you can revisit. If you or your partner’s needs change, you can talk again, adjust, and renegotiate.

把这份清单当成可以反复回看的工具。如果你或对方的需求变了，你们完全可以再沟通、再调整、再协商