“Could you please do… for me?”
“可以麻烦你帮我做……吗？”

“Sorry, no.”
“不好意思，不行。”

Imagine finally building up the courage to ask for something, and then being told no. How would you feel?

想象一下，当你鼓起勇气向别人提出一个请求，却被拒绝了，你会有什么感受？

Many people do not even have the courage to say no. People-pleasers often struggle to build healthy boundaries in relationships. If you’re curious about how people-pleasing affects sex and intimacy, that’s a whole conversation on its own.

很多人甚至连拒绝的勇气都没有。讨好型人格往往很难建立健康的界限。如果你对讨好型人格如何影响性爱或亲密关系感兴趣，那又是一个值得深入聊的话题

Feeling disappointed, frustrated or even hurt after rejection is completely normal. Some people feel indifferent, while others become even more determined. Everyone reacts differently.

被拒绝后感到失落、沮丧、挫败，甚至难受，都是正常的。有的人无所谓，有的人反而更有动力。每个人的反应都不同

It becomes more complex when the person saying no is your partner, the person you feel closest to.

尤其当拒绝你的人是你的伴侣，是那个最亲密的人，感觉就会更加复杂

In sexual relationships, rejection can feel especially personal.

在性关系中，被拒绝往往更容易让人感到受伤

I once read a case study from another sex therapist. In that story, two people had a one-night stand that did not go well. One person later tried to reconnect but was rejected. Instead of accepting it, they kept pushing, trying to prove they were “good enough”.

我曾看过一位性咨询师分享的案例。两个当事人发生了一夜情，体验不佳。后来其中一方想再约一次，却被拒绝。于是那个人不断纠缠，试图证明自己“没有问题”

Sex can feel like a “super-intimate space” because we are physically and emotionally vulnerable. Rejection in that space can sting more deeply than everyday rejection.

我常说，性是一种“超亲密空间”。当我们赤裸相对时，身体和情感都更脆弱。这个时候的拒绝，往往比日常生活中的拒绝更容易刺痛人心

This game is designed to help you practise asking, being rejected, and understanding consent in a safe way.

所以，这个小游戏就是帮助你练习提出请求、面对拒绝，以及理解知情同意

Game Goals

游戏目的

Practise expressing what you truly want, and listening to your partner’s needs.

练习表达自己真正想要的，同时倾听对方的需求

Learn to handle rejection and sit with the feelings that come with it.

练习面对被拒绝，并学会和那种感觉和平共处

Practise saying no, and understand that you always have the right to refuse.

练习拒绝别人，知道自己有拒绝的权利

Practise asking clearly for your desires.

练习清晰地表达自己的欲望和想法

This is purely a conversation exercise. You can try the requests later if both people agree. It is also a chance to better understand your partner’s preferences.

这个小游戏只是对话练习。如果双方愿意，之后可以实践。它也帮助你更了解伴侣的喜好

Do not feel ashamed for asking for what you want. During the game, notice your body’s reactions. For example, does your body tense up at certain requests? After the exercise, share what you observed.

不要因为表达需求而感到羞耻。在练习过程中，也可以观察身体反应，比如听到某些请求时是否突然紧张。练习结束后，可以互相分享感受

How to Play

游戏方法

Phase One

阶段一

A asks B: “Can I do… to you?” or “Could you do… for me?”

A 向 B 提出请求：“我可以对你做……吗？”或“你可以对我做……吗？”

No matter what, B must respond: “Thank you, but no.”

无论 B 心里多想同意，都必须回答：“谢谢，但不行。”

Swap roles. Each person should ask at least six times.

轮流提问，双方至少各提出六次请求

Phase Two

阶段二

A asks again: “Can I do… to you?” or “Could you do… for me?”

A 再次提出请求。

B may respond with “Yes, please.” or “Thank you, but no.” Avoid “maybe” to keep things clear.

B 可以回答“好的，请。”或“谢谢，但不行。”尽量避免“也许”，保持清晰。

Swap roles. Each person asks at least six times.

轮流进行，至少六次

Phase Three

阶段三

A asks a request again.

A 再次提出请求

This time, B does not speak. B answers only with body language.

这次 B 不说话，只用肢体语言表达答案

A guesses whether it was a yes or no. Then B confirms.

A 猜测答案，B 再确认是否正确

Swap roles for at least six rounds.

轮流进行，至少六次

Tips

小提示

Include requests that might get a yes, such as “Can I hold your hand?”, and requests that might get a no, such as something playful or unusual. You can even include things you usually feel shy to ask.

提问时，可以包含一些可能得到“Yes”的请求，比如“可以牵你的手吗？”，也可以包含可能被拒绝的请求，甚至一些平时害羞不敢说的想法

Even if you strongly dislike a request, stick to the format: “Thank you, but no.” This keeps the space safe and prevents judgement.

即使遇到非常反感的请求，也坚持回答：“谢谢，但不行。”这样可以营造安全空间，让对方不担心被批判

In Phase Three, observe subtle body language such as smiling, frowning, leaning in or away, tension in the shoulders, changes in breathing, head tilts, or hand gestures.

第三阶段要注意观察肢体语言，比如微笑、皱眉、靠近或后退、肩膀紧绷或放松、呼吸变化、头部倾斜、手势等

When both partners feel safe to ask and safe to refuse, intimacy becomes healthier and more respectful.

当双方都能安全地表达和拒绝时，亲密关系才会更健康、更有尊重